You Don't Know Jacque

If you could smell my breath right now, you would smell Diet Coke and dark chocolate. I imagine at-home moms in the 70's and 80's would roughly compare my combo pack to their coffee and cigarettes. We've all got our favorite combo and depending on the day, our own mood and mood of the house, it may change. Nevertheless, I am not judging.

Eating dark chocolate is a little habit I picked up while working at St. Wence. People were always pushing the "it's healthy" concept, assuring me that it was better to eat the dark chocolate than to pass it by. But the quantity that I eat, I think I surpasses the recommended serving size, and I'm not so sure it's healthy at that point. Chocolate, dark, semi-sweet, milk, whatever your pleasure, was always a sure way to smooth things over on a tough day with the team, or if I needed a little favor done by the office gals. Diet Coke...hum...think I picked that up this summer with all the 3:00 snacks dates I had with Sherry. By the end of the summer, we were making guac and sipping Diet Coke--after our power naps, of course.

Judging. I'm not sure it's entirely possible not to judge ourselves or others. I'd like to use the word "we" as my subjects in the following sentences, but since I can only speak for myself, I will choose the word "I"--assuming that perhaps, you might feel somewhat the same as I do. I'm my worst critic. I judge how I look, speak to my children, husband and friends, how eloquently I can convey my inner thoughts to you, my behavior, how I discipline, my ability to plan, organize, clean, parent...and the list continues. I believe I inhibit my own capabilities because of my lack of positive thinking that I am capable to do great things. If I could just believe at all times that I am good enough. I had a former supervisor tell me on more than one occasion, "You are harder on yourself than anyone else is." I believe it's hindsight that actually allows me to feel good about choices I've made or things I've done.

So, yes, judging exists. I'm okay with that; however it's how judgements are shared that pose problems...

My blogging today stems from not needing you to pat me on the back to tell me that I am good enough, but really from a couple of incidents that my friends have encountered recently that have provoked conversations of why people--other mothers and fathers in my friends' situations, share the judgements with others when it's really none of their business. We never reached the bottom of this issue, but it does make me think. I have drawn a conclusion of my own that I'll share with you in a bit--after a quick story.

I was in a beauty supply store last week picking up some nail polish, ironically named You Don't Know Jacque (OPI, love it, you've got to try it before this craptastic winter is finished. You'll feel better every time you look at your lovely nails.) Anyhow, I was the only customer in the store--besides my entourage in tote, and I was extremely disturbed by the supervisor's inability to reprimand her employee professionally, or what I perceived to be professional. The supervisor was scolding and I mean heavily scolding this employee in front of me, my entourage and a second employee in regards to how unwelcoming and uninformative she was to a customer earlier in the day. Little did she notice that she nor the others had welcomed me into the store, asked me if I could be helped or that she was embarrassing this employee. I completely believe in teaching and counseling people in their line of work, but I was humiliated for this poor girl and disappointed in the supervisor.

When I approached the counter, I wanted so badly to say something to the poor girl--to relieve her of her embarrassment. But most of all, I wanted to let her know that her supervisor's supervisor should be informed about the unprofessional behavior. I have no tolerance for unprofessionalism--it Bugs me--and that's Bugs with a capital B people. But, I didn't say anything. I couldn't muster the words that I so badly wanted to express. I even went home that night and shared my frustration with my husband and later with my parents on Skype (Henry's new fixation.)

Today, I find clarity in this situation. It was never my place to say anything because too often, people get involved in situations that they never had a place in to begin with. We are hard enough on ourselves that we don't need other people sharing their judgements of how we do things, how we say things etc. As mothers, shouldn't we be more tolerant of other mothers who cannot get their kid to cooperate as they trudge through the grocery store? As avid bloggers and blog lovers, shouldn't we be accepting of the format in which people's inner thoughts are shared--If you don't like it, move on buddy, there are millions of blogs out there!

In closing, I know I've made some poor choices in the past with judgement that I wish I didn't make. God didn't make me to be perfect, but to be a person who is constantly learning. Instead of sharing judgements, walk away with an open mind. Being mindful of my own actions, carefully not making the same choices as ones I've seen others make that I dislike. Because most of the time you might think you know, but the reality is that You Don't Know Jacque.

Menace

Henry has taken a liking to the movie character, Dennis the Menace. He likes the devil-like, sneaky, pesky behavior of Dennis--not to mention his sling shot, which is super cool in Henry's eyes. So to idolize Dennis in full capacity, Henry insisted on dressing like him too. He was asking for bib overalls for a while, to which I kept replying, "No, you don't have any." Until I finally figured out that he wanted overalls to look like Dennis. I dug out a pair of overalls that Scott wore as a young boy, which are about two sizes too small. They literally are a couple inches below Henry's knees. He pairs his overalls with his cowboy boots, which were also Scott's as a young boy. He found a hat that is also too small, and now we have a life-like Dennis the Menace in our house. Last week, Hen begged for Harrison to dress like Dennis too. So now I have Harrison in overalls that are a bit too big. Regardless, they looked cute as Dennis look-alikes.

Speaking of menace, I am so ready for the season of winter to end. The last few days have been gloomy & damp, but a bit on the warmer side. It's the kind of weather that can make a person a bit depressed. We've spent the last few days watching movies in the afternoon with the shades drawn just because it's that kind of weather. It's the kind of weather that makes you want to bake. I made banana bread on Monday morning (I didn't have any eggs, so I made my friend, TT's recipe which she made for Henry all the time when he had an egg allergy. She just omitted the eggs and the bread turned out great! I also really like her recipe because if you don't feel like banana bread or simply don't have rotten bananas, there are options to turn it into pumpkin or zucchini bread. YUM!) Tomorrow, I want to make sugar cookie dough so we can make shamrock sugar cookies. No, we don't have a drop of Irish in us, but St. Patty's Day is enough of a reason to make sugar cookies.

I have had to be creative with what I am baking these days because my supplies are low and going to the grocery store is a daunting task. I actually don't mind grocery shopping if I can go on a weekday morning. I load up the boys and head to Super Target, which happens to be the only local grocery store that can accommodate my 3 year old and infant car seat--I don't know what they other stores are thinking when they put carts that won't work for mothers in their stores. I like the weekday mornings because it's just me and other mothers who understand, or at least should understand--kids. The store isn't usually too busy and if our list is short enough, we are in and out in a reasonable amount of time.

We were gone over the weekend, and I cleaned the house really well before we left. There is just something about coming home to a clean house that is way better than coming home to a dusty house. But it seems that no matter how well I try to clean the house, there is this fine layer of winter salt and sand that just won't go away. I washed our entry way rugs, but it is just still there. Oh well, soon enough I can put the rugs away. At least the rugs got washed.

In short, it appears that in the ebb and flow of life, we can find shiny spots in moments that appear dull and dreary.

Febs latest and greatest

We just can't wait for spring. When I look at the latest pictures of my kids, they are mostly naked. Today, in order to get clothes on Henry, I had to negotiate shorts. It felt like a good compromise. I don't have to spend another day looking at washed out Spiderman underwear, and he still feels kinda naked.

"They always tell me I am a pretty baby. I think so too!"

Momma loves my cheeks.

Handsome Henry is dancing on the counter in his favorite "outfit", aka: underwear!

Not sure what to think of my big bro dancing in his underwear. But I take LOTS of notes on what he is doing. Where ever he is and whatever he is doing is always what I am most interested in.

Stinky babes are still so cute.

Aging, if it isn't obvious enough

I've never understood, until recently, why my sis-in-law put botox on her wish list. I completely understand now as a few wrinkles have decorated my face in the last year. I am on a mad search for really good foundation that doesn't accent the wrinkles. Do you know of any?

Anyhow, our 3 year old has come up with some really good comments that not only make us laugh, but also make us go hum.

Hen: Mom, you are looking old. You probably will be a grandma soon.

Hen: Dad, what are those red dots, referring to a couple stress pimples, on your forehead?

Mom: What are those lines on your face?

Ah, yea. . . funny. I think so, but also a reminder of my constant aging.

yuck

i'm sitting on the couch

the hubs is laying next to me

sleeping

he's passing gas

the cat is sitting on him

grooming herself

you

know

where

making this awful

smacking sound

i'm cringing

seriously...

earlier

when the boys were up

i asked,

"who's passing gas?"

henry was quick

to respond,

"harrison"

ugh....

must

have a

girl's night out

when the boys

want to

eat

cheese curds

for

dinner

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

On my short journey as a mother, I learned somewhere that when kids say something offensive in public that you should acknowledge the honestly in what they are saying. Kids are honest. They say what they see and feel, regardless if it is offensive, hurtful or if it will mortify their mothers in public. For example (this is the teacher in me), if your child says, "That woman is fat." you should acknowledge that she is obese (that's the honesty part) and politely apologize for hurt feelings. After this piece of advice, I felt armed and ready for anything that should come out of Henry Joseph's mouth.

While out and about yesterday, I needed to stop around lunchtime and feed my hungry son. As we were waiting for our food this woman wearing a fur coat was filling her soda at the counter. Henry sees this woman and loudly declares with conviction, "MOM, that woman [I'm thinking that maybe he's going to comment on her coat.] has a huge belly." [Oh, dear God. He just didn't say that out loud did he?!] If one thing could have gone right in this situation, the woman's back was to us and it appeared that she didn't hear him. After all, we were in a food court filled with commotion and noise. As we walked away from the situation, I calmlly acknowledged that the woman was large, but we don't say things like that out loud. It's fine if you want to have those thoughts in your head or share them quietly with Mom and Dad. As I was trying to wrap up this conversation, Henry, ashamed that he did wrong, quietly says to me, "I don't wanna talk about it anymore." At this point, I knew my message was clear.

I feel that I couldn't have handled the situation better, although it was a parenting moment that I wish never had to happen. I want Henry to be honest with his thoughts and feelings, and I think we do a good job as parents encouraging him to express himself. But it's also my job to make sure he is also respectful, even if those teachable moments mortify me. (Sigh.)

(At this moment, I'd like to apologize to my own mother for pointing out to woman she worked with years ago that she didn't have any eyebrows (a little tweezer happy, I believe). I know I embarrassed my mom even more because she knew this woman. Sorry, Mom)

untitled

How can laziness be such a stong force? When I get up in the morning and see dust that wasn't in places it was the day before or fingerprints smudged over glass, I cringe and wonder what I've been doing to not have a clean house. It's not that I have been lazy, because believe me, I feel busier than ever. Managing a household, two small boys and trying to become a better mother, wife and friend has never been more challenging and self-fulfilling. Yeah, I am sure some of you are thinking, "Try doing the job working full time." Been there--it's tough, yet managable. No matter how you slice it, we all go to bed exhausted at the end of the day.

Regardless, when I stand on my pasture of grass and have to choose the side that appears greener, I know I am standing on the side that I am suppose to stand on. When I look out my window, I might see inches and inches of bright white snow, but I feel like my life is filled with bright green grass. I don't think I have ever been happier with my marriage, purpose as a mother or who I am as an individual.

Scott and I attended a marriage retreat this weekend. As we walked into our tv and radioless room, we looked at each other as if we were crippled. We sat there speechless for several moments staring at each other thinking that we were not going to make it. The next morning when we opened our curtains, our view was spectacular. Beyond the line of crystalized branches of snow and iced covered trees was a beautiful view of an iced covered lake. The sun was shining and the village of fisherman below was a sight to be seen. What Scott and I realized by late Saturday was that the lack of technology and breathtaking scenery was purposeful. Nearly 24 hours into our retreat, we had come down from the high of everyday life and felt ourselves relaxed and more focused on each other than we have in a long time. It was fun to feel relaxed and irresponsible for little people as we worked on making a good marriage better. We returned home with renewed energy for each other. Now as we are back into our real world, we work on sustaining the renewed energy.

After making the decision to be an at home mom, one thing I worried about was becoming lonely and missing people. As I have discovered, it's a whole new world. There are many moms who have chosen the same path as me. I've encountered new friendships as well as rekindled friendships with women I have known for years. What I gain most from these relationships, is the strength to continue to do my job as a mother well. I have surrounded myself with some amazing women--some who are so different and some who are so like me. WIth these women, I am able to share triumphs and express challenges without being criticized. I value their friendships and their encouragment to be the best mother, wife and friend that I can be. I have so many people whom I consider blessings because how each of them has touched my life at different periods of my life. The world of at home motherhood has enlightened me and the worry of lonliness is a fleeing thought.

As I gained momentum into at home motherhood, I struggled with finding "me time". I've previously expressed that I really didn't find shopping to fill the void. Purchasing diapers and milk wasn't exactly thrilling or revitalizing. Instead, I choose to workout and do something directly for myself. Finding time to work out while working was one of the biggest challenges I faced. It makes me feel better, manage daily life better and make better eating choices...and gives me permission to endulge without guilt.

Laziness, I think not. I'm too busy discovering a whole new world! A world that I constantly tell Scott that I love and am enjoying. I am able to watch these two boys grow each day, while exploring and learning with them. We find things to do with purpose--some days it more directly purposeful for them. But other days it may be indirectly purposeful for them--a little mom time. When mom's happy, everyone is happy couldn't be truer.

. . .And who cares if there's a little dust or a tiny handprint somewhere. One day I'll long for these days again. And I'll never get a second chance.