A Poem I Wrote For YOU

This post goes out to all you at-home moms & to those who can identify. If you don't "get it", please don't judge.

Here is an email in the form of a poem I sent to my husband this morning because I'm having a tough start to my day.

Please.

The next time I tell you that I need to get out, don't deny me of it.

Please don't try to calculate a mental break in cost per gallon.

My breaks are purposeful, they make me a better mom, wife, friend.

Wednesdays are my breaking point.

I hate being at my breaking point, it makes me so vulnerable.

I dislike who I am today because I'm low on so many levels.

I'm not mad, I am just telling you what I need.

You've asked me to do that.

This job is tough.

I'm not saying that yours is not.

But I can't do this 24/7 without a break.

When is the last time I was able to step away from being a mom?...last
Wednesday night for 1 hour.

That's a long time ago in mommy time.

I'm tired, not physically, but mentally.

I can only take so much hollering and whining from a 3 yo before I start
to holler and whine myself.

I don't like it.

And here are snippets of his response...

Thank you. Points well taken.

Love you.

By the way, it is your vulnerability that I love so much.

Get out and have some fun tonight!!!!!

... When you leave, I am scared that I won't be as good as you.

...This weekend, I have been praying that I can create memories and be accomplished, like you. I am scared and excited all at the same time.

Why does he do that?

Somehow I feel better amid the demands and whines of my 3 yo.

Sorry for the long breaks between posts lately. I feel like it's all weather related AND my family is giving me A LOT to work with lately.

Guess what I am going to do tonight?

I'm going back to TJ to pick up a pair of sandals that I saw to wear on my girl's weekend!

54 hours to go!!

sigh

I'm sitting at the counter watching Scott boil sweet potatoes to accompany our grilled steak. I'm surfing the net, enjoying a glass of (too sweet) wine when my 3 year old munchkin taps me on the leg.

"Mom, is my dinner ready?"

"Yep. I boiled you some noodles."

As he hops up on the chair next to me, he says with confidence, "Move your computer over, Mom. I'm gonna eat like a machine."

Okay you have to admit, that is pretty funny.

A about 2.5 hours ago, I would have sold him on Craigslist for best offer.

Here's why.

"Picture this." I'm looking at dishtowels in TJMAXX with my back turned to H & H. Big H is c-r-a-b-b-y. He's already looked at the toys and doesn't want to be here. He's making me not want to be here. I've already scolded, threatened, given the evil eye, all but left the store. I only went in to look at the dishtowels. I become short of breath when I realize that Big H has put all of his weight on the stroller and flipped it upside down. WITH LITTLE H IN IT! Paying no attention to Henry laying on his back, I immediately turn my attention to little Harrison, who is just (literally) hanging out upside down in his carseat. He didn't blink an eye, still content as always. As I adjust him in the upright position, I can't believe that I have to be two important places at once.

I then turn my attention to Henry, picking him up on the floor. Thinking, Should I even be picking him up? What if he hurt his back? Or neck? Screw it, he's already half up.

After assessing the situation, I realize that really the only person not okay in this situation...is me. I thank God that Harrison was buckled into his car seat. I thank God that the situation was not brutal and bloody. Thank you!!

At this point, I am so highly irritated with Henry that I am so calm it's eerie. We leave shortly thereafter. I buy my fake lemons and yellow dishtowels, leaving the movie Henry picked out behind. He gently grabbed my hand as he left the store with tears in his eyes. He cried all the way out to the car and for blocks beyond TJMAXX. He eventually fell asleep.

When we got home, I packed up every toy that he cherishes and will miss for the next 48 hours. I put it in a brown paper bag and hid it in the garage. He's yet to notice, but I am confident that it will be a teachable moment. I don't drag my children to stores except for Target. I don't ask them to be bored while I shop for things they could care less about. But today it was raining and I thought we could handle a little adventure that mommy was interested in. I guess not.

So I sit here. I again thank God that all ended well. I've snapped out of my crabbiness, thanks to an unexpected phone call from a friend at the right time. I'm laughing. How can someone do something so wrong, still be so loved, full of personality and innocence?

Sigh.

Wine.

Surfing.

Dinner is ready.

WoRdLeSs WeDnEsDaY "Mama's Day"

goal setting

When I think about my goals in the world of stay-at-home-mommyhood, here is what I come up with...

1. Keep my kids happy and loved. I mean, if they are getting exactly what they need, shouldn't my day be a breeze? I have allowed Henry to eat animal crackers for breakfast dessert because if I can negotiate with him to eat something nutritious beforehand, what harm will it cause? I still grit my teeth and wish he didn't want them at 8:30am but if it keeps peace, why not? Last week I threatened not to buy any more animal crackers because his constant begging DROVE-ME-NUTS!

Some days are tougher than others to meet their needs--some days all I hear is "Mom, can I..., "Mom, I need..., "Mom can you help me find..., "Mom wipe my..." But as much as I threaten to change my name, I still love the fact that I am needed.

I want my kids to know that they are loved. Maybe the fact that I am ignoring them right now will affirm that they are loved, do you think? No, really they are fine--one is sleeping and the other is...hmmm...digging in the pantry...bet he asks me in less than 30 for...hmmm...animal crackers are gone...maybe Oreos or licorice. I'll let you know. One huge hope that I hold for both of my children is that they know they are loved and that others want to be around them. I mean, how much better can that get? To know people out there love you and want to be with you. Some of my most painful childhood memories are not the ones when I received low scores on a math test, but the ones when kids were brutally mean. I think those moments...yep, brought me two cans of Diet Squirt in a lunch bag, after some giggling and begging, I am refusing. Instead he has brought them into the bathroom and I hear the water running--whatever, I'm blogging. Those kids who inflicted pain on other kids were not kind. People only hung out with them because they were scared not to. Why not choose to hang out with kids who are kind, thoughtful and loving. I believe you must feel and see those actions before you can reciprocate. I know my boys will be far from perfect, but I hope through their mistakes they will learn right from wrong.

2.Go to bed with a picked up house, I'll wake up with a picked up house. I had this thing when I worked that if I left my desk clean at the end of the day, I could walk into my classroom in the morning not bogged down from the junk from the day before. I guess I still have that thought engrained into my head at home. If we make milkshakes at night for a snack, and the dishes don't get cleaned up at night, I have to face it first thing in the morning. Only in the morning, everything is crusty and smelly.

3. (Try to) work out if something isn't on the calendar with the kiddos. There is something about working out in the morning that makes me happy. I love it when I pick Henry up at the kids' center and he comments on my red face. Then I don't feel too guilty later when I have a milkshake before I go to bed.

4. Coffee, no I'm not addicted. There is something about it that makes my day start off right if I have a cup of coffee with a bit of cream and sugar. It's heavenly. When I go to bed at night, even if I get woken up several times in between, I know that when the sun rises, I get to have my cuppa.

Okay, I just heard the can of pop open...what the...and the baby is crying....he tried to open it with a flashlight and he succeeded...now he's crying too...crap gotta go, see goal number 1.

A Happy Mother

Mother's Day--a day to celebrate the women in our lives who cast inspiration, endless love and devotion to children of all ages. We mainly think of Mother's Day as a day to celebrate our own mom, and to be showered with hugs and kisses from our own little (for some of you not so little) ones. And for some, it's a day to celebrate women who are like-a-mother to us. We recognize mothers and non-mothers, mothers waiting-to-be, and mothers who have lost simply because. . . we rock!

This Mother's Day, I celebrate someone who is NOT my mother, but a woman who shares a motherlike bond with me. This year, I celebrate Sherry--the "like a sister" woman in my life who brought my third son into this world (she rocks). She shows love, kindness, generosity, devotion, and selflessness like no one I have ever known. She inspires me to be a better mother and friend because of her genuine ways. I truly cherish her friendship and hold her in the highest regard.

Because of her selflessness, I am able to celebrate this Mother's Day with Harrison. I know Harrison will always be her favorite nephew, and she will always hold a special place in her heart for him. She genuinely loves him and shows affection for him as an aunt would.

Today, I celebrate not only being a mom and having a mom, but also for the mom who gives of herself. May you all have a wonderful day, recognizing and embracing the blessings around you.

Harrison & Sherry

Henry & Harrison with Mom

WoRdLeSs WeDnEsDaY

Brought to you by. . .

D

• DRAMA--how is it possible that everyone can talk, whine, cry and need my attention at the same time
• DIRTY DISASTER--it's Monday, my house looks like a stampede of wild boars came to visit over the weekend
• DEVASTATING--my mama won't pick me up because she is trying to regain order in this house

• DENT--because that's what a 16 year old put into my car this weekend. We were parking at church and he "thought [he] had it" as he pulled into his spot. But he didn't. The 16 year old was pretty shook up as it was (hopefully, probably, maybe) his first encounter with hitting another car. We couldn't help but be forgiving as we have two boys who will (probably, maybe) do something like this, and ummm...well, I hit a fire hydrant backing out of my driveway about 9 years ago.

• Deere--because nothing rides like it. And the ride is that much sweeter when you bought part of it yourself because you earned some cold hard cash...and quarters

• DRYER--because it's going to run all day as it tries to keep up with my washer

• DELIVERY MAN---this home is a frequent stop lately for the UPS truck to keep up with my sister's retail therapy. (She occupies the basement right now as she is in transition between places.) My favorite delivery story has to be when Henry ran to see who was at the front door after he heard the door bell ring. I watched him stand there as his body was frozen in motion with a puzzled look on his face. When I asked him who's at the door, he didn't answer me. Instead he opened the door and shouted, "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" as he watched the delivery man run back to his truck.

1

• 1 hour of solitude at the YMCA this morning
• 1 mom to pick up after kids who can make a mess twice as fast as she can pick up
• 1 cup of coffee drank as I've blogged
• 1 x 2 runny noses to wipe up today--darn allergies
• 1 sink full of dirty dishes and 1 dishwasher to unload--ugh! I hate that when that happens
• 1 cat, which I sometimes neglect to feed, water and scoop the poop. (Thanks to the hubs who cleaned the litter box over the weekend. What a great surprise for me to discover as I went to do the dirty job myself this morning.)
• 1 pan of brownies that I've almost eaten this weekend...with help of course
• 1 unibrow (see last inserted picture) that I will one day need shell out some dough to get waxed
• 1 day to get it all done--gotta go!