1) Don't shout inappropriate things in public (or private) places. Parents can find time out any where and any time. They also have the power to take away prize possessions for long or short periods of time.
2) Telling your mom that she is the best, followed by an I love you in the Target toy section will not get you the toy you eyed up.
3) Cutting your own Christmas tree is way better than purchasing one in a tree lot. Especially if you actually get to go into Santa's house afterward to pay Mrs. Clause and drink her apple cider.
4) Mom and Santa are close personal friends. She will throw you under the bus if you misbehave.
5) If you eat 1/2 dozen cookies, you will throw up.
6) If you eat a gingerbread man while falling asleep at the table, you will choke.
7) You cannot run around church. That gives you a direct ticket to the nursery.
8) Peeing backward on the little potty chair does not work.
9) Eating too many Hershey Kisses will make you chubby.
10) Don't use a tissue to wipe boogers off your face. That's what sleeves are for. And when you don't feel like using your sleeve, wipe the boogers on your carseat.
11) When you tell mom to get out the vacuum to clean up the mess that you made under your chair at the counter, she will give you necessary supplies to clean it up yourself.
12) Dad says when you make Mom mad, bring her home flowers and tell her you love her.
This is me when avoiding eye contact with Santa as Mom tells him a few things that she said he probably already knew. 
Mom made me pose with Santa after she "filled him in."
This is my baby brother. I heard he's on the nice list. I'm on the maybe list, whatever that means.
. . .until helping Nana in the kitchen looked like more fun. . .
