I'm not feeling as much of an ounce of inspiration at the moment, but I know it will come to me once I start plunking away at the keys.
The house is quiet--6:25 and the boys are both sleeping. Scott's at the YMCA attending a boot camp training group that I signed him up for as a Christmas present. He was running late this morning because the alarm malfunctioned (or the alarm setter malfunctioned the alarm time, ouch). I'm equally concerned for his survival of his "punishment" or better yet, the group's punishment for him being late as well as interested to find out what exactly the "punishment" was.
Anyhow, I had this thought the other day. I used to play dolls quite a bit as a young girl. When I would play, everything was perfect--the dolls never misbehaved, cried uncontrollably, begged for anything, tried to negotiate, argued with me, whined, refused to eat, screamed, got sick, got sick all over me, got ear infections, had a runny nose for 2 weeks, climbed out of their strollers, asked the same thing over and over expecting my answer to change, hollered at me when I threw something away when I wasn't supposed to (like garbage), never made me feel disrespected, unfolded every piece of laundry in a tidy drawer, accused me of lying, cheating or stealing something I had never seen.
It's been a long two weeks, but things are getting better. These Minnesota winters are long and cold to say the least. Trying to find activities to expend the energy of two young boys can be challenging and exhausting. If we stay home too long, we get a bit stir crazy. If we go somewhere, someone comes home sick. If we miss the window of opportunity to play outside or if that window never opens, it's a sad moment. Because when my kids get outside, they sleep like champs.
And when my boys sleep like champs, so do I. Isn't it amazing what a few hours of uninterruped of sleep can do for your energy level and mood? A year ago when Harrison was itty bitty, it would take me 10 hours just to get 7 or 8 hours of sleep in a night. Now, getting good sleep is less of a challenge, but still some nights I wonder why my 4 year old wakes me up more than my baby.
Probably because he loves me. When I played with my dolls, they may have never given me a run for my money, but the doll never returned the love either. My dolls never colored me pictures, played Hi Ho Cherry-O repeatedly, helped me fold laundry, helped me move furniture while I vacuumed, snuggled with me while we watched a movie, helped me bake cookies, never
told me they loved me or that I was the best that ever existed, wanted to go on a date with me, got excited to go to the dentist, gave me the thumbs up during a swimming lesson, washed their hands the moment we got in the door without being told because they know dirty hands creep Mom out, or hugged me when I was sad.
There are a lot, and I mean a lot of times when I feel like I'm not doing a good job raising two boys or being a great stay at home mom. Parenting is hard. Harder than anyone could ever try to explain because there are no words. And there are no words that can explain how great it feels to be a parent. Crazy how you can be at both ends of the spectrum in such a very short period of time. They key is to find the place in the middle that keeps me happy and well, balanced.
So don't delete this blog from your list of favs quite yet. Stella is in the process of gettin her groove back. This mama is tired and worn, but continues to find balance through prayer, self-reflection, and the blessings in each day.
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