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How can laziness be such a stong force? When I get up in the morning and see dust that wasn't in places it was the day before or fingerprints smudged over glass, I cringe and wonder what I've been doing to not have a clean house. It's not that I have been lazy, because believe me, I feel busier than ever. Managing a household, two small boys and trying to become a better mother, wife and friend has never been more challenging and self-fulfilling. Yeah, I am sure some of you are thinking, "Try doing the job working full time." Been there--it's tough, yet managable. No matter how you slice it, we all go to bed exhausted at the end of the day.

Regardless, when I stand on my pasture of grass and have to choose the side that appears greener, I know I am standing on the side that I am suppose to stand on. When I look out my window, I might see inches and inches of bright white snow, but I feel like my life is filled with bright green grass. I don't think I have ever been happier with my marriage, purpose as a mother or who I am as an individual.

Scott and I attended a marriage retreat this weekend. As we walked into our tv and radioless room, we looked at each other as if we were crippled. We sat there speechless for several moments staring at each other thinking that we were not going to make it. The next morning when we opened our curtains, our view was spectacular. Beyond the line of crystalized branches of snow and iced covered trees was a beautiful view of an iced covered lake. The sun was shining and the village of fisherman below was a sight to be seen. What Scott and I realized by late Saturday was that the lack of technology and breathtaking scenery was purposeful. Nearly 24 hours into our retreat, we had come down from the high of everyday life and felt ourselves relaxed and more focused on each other than we have in a long time. It was fun to feel relaxed and irresponsible for little people as we worked on making a good marriage better. We returned home with renewed energy for each other. Now as we are back into our real world, we work on sustaining the renewed energy.

After making the decision to be an at home mom, one thing I worried about was becoming lonely and missing people. As I have discovered, it's a whole new world. There are many moms who have chosen the same path as me. I've encountered new friendships as well as rekindled friendships with women I have known for years. What I gain most from these relationships, is the strength to continue to do my job as a mother well. I have surrounded myself with some amazing women--some who are so different and some who are so like me. WIth these women, I am able to share triumphs and express challenges without being criticized. I value their friendships and their encouragment to be the best mother, wife and friend that I can be. I have so many people whom I consider blessings because how each of them has touched my life at different periods of my life. The world of at home motherhood has enlightened me and the worry of lonliness is a fleeing thought.

As I gained momentum into at home motherhood, I struggled with finding "me time". I've previously expressed that I really didn't find shopping to fill the void. Purchasing diapers and milk wasn't exactly thrilling or revitalizing. Instead, I choose to workout and do something directly for myself. Finding time to work out while working was one of the biggest challenges I faced. It makes me feel better, manage daily life better and make better eating choices...and gives me permission to endulge without guilt.

Laziness, I think not. I'm too busy discovering a whole new world! A world that I constantly tell Scott that I love and am enjoying. I am able to watch these two boys grow each day, while exploring and learning with them. We find things to do with purpose--some days it more directly purposeful for them. But other days it may be indirectly purposeful for them--a little mom time. When mom's happy, everyone is happy couldn't be truer.

. . .And who cares if there's a little dust or a tiny handprint somewhere. One day I'll long for these days again. And I'll never get a second chance.