Eating dark chocolate is a little habit I picked up while working at St. Wence. People were always pushing the "it's healthy" concept, assuring me that it was better to eat the dark chocolate than to pass it by. But the quantity that I eat, I think I surpasses the recommended serving size, and I'm not so sure it's healthy at that point. Chocolate, dark, semi-sweet, milk, whatever your pleasure, was always a sure way to smooth things over on a tough day with the team, or if I needed a little favor done by the office gals. Diet Coke...hum...think I picked that up this summer with all the 3:00 snacks dates I had with Sherry. By the end of the summer, we were making guac and sipping Diet Coke--after our power naps, of course.
Judging. I'm not sure it's entirely possible not to judge ourselves or others. I'd like to use the word "we" as my subjects in the following sentences, but since I can only speak for myself, I will choose the word "I"--assuming that perhaps, you might feel somewhat the same as I do. I'm my worst critic. I judge how I look, speak to my children, husband and friends, how eloquently I can convey my inner thoughts to you, my behavior, how I discipline, my ability to plan, organize, clean, parent...and the list continues. I believe I inhibit my own capabilities because of my lack of positive thinking that I am capable to do great things. If I could just believe at all times that I am good enough. I had a former supervisor tell me on more than one occasion, "You are harder on yourself than anyone else is." I believe it's hindsight that actually allows me to feel good about choices I've made or things I've done.
So, yes, judging exists. I'm okay with that; however it's how judgements are shared that pose problems...
My blogging today stems from not needing you to pat me on the back to tell me that I am good enough, but really from a couple of incidents that my friends have encountered recently that have provoked conversations of why people--other mothers and fathers in my friends' situations, share the judgements with others when it's really none of their business. We never reached the bottom of this issue, but it does make me think. I have drawn a conclusion of my own that I'll share with you in a bit--after a quick story.
I was in a beauty supply store last week picking up some nail polish, ironically named You Don't Know Jacque (OPI, love it, you've got to try it before this craptastic winter is finished. You'll feel better every time you look at your lovely nails.) Anyhow, I was the only customer in the store--besides my entourage in tote, and I was extremely disturbed by the supervisor's inability to reprimand her employee professionally, or what I perceived to be professional. The supervisor was scolding and I mean heavily scolding this employee in front of me, my entourage and a second employee in regards to how unwelcoming and uninformative she was to a customer earlier in the day. Little did she notice that she nor the others had welcomed me into the store, asked me if I could be helped or that she was embarrassing this employee. I completely believe in teaching and counseling people in their line of work, but I was humiliated for this poor girl and disappointed in the supervisor.
When I approached the counter, I wanted so badly to say something to the poor girl--to relieve her of her embarrassment. But most of all, I wanted to let her know that her supervisor's supervisor should be informed about the unprofessional behavior. I have no tolerance for unprofessionalism--it Bugs me--and that's Bugs with a capital B people. But, I didn't say anything. I couldn't muster the words that I so badly wanted to express. I even went home that night and shared my frustration with my husband and later with my parents on Skype (Henry's new fixation.)
Today, I find clarity in this situation. It was never my place to say anything because too often, people get involved in situations that they never had a place in to begin with. We are hard enough on ourselves that we don't need other people sharing their judgements of how we do things, how we say things etc. As mothers, shouldn't we be more tolerant of other mothers who cannot get their kid to cooperate as they trudge through the grocery store? As avid bloggers and blog lovers, shouldn't we be accepting of the format in which people's inner thoughts are shared--If you don't like it, move on buddy, there are millions of blogs out there!
In closing, I know I've made some poor choices in the past with judgement that I wish I didn't make. God didn't make me to be perfect, but to be a person who is constantly learning. Instead of sharing judgements, walk away with an open mind. Being mindful of my own actions, carefully not making the same choices as ones I've seen others make that I dislike. Because most of the time you might think you know, but the reality is that You Don't Know Jacque.
I LOVE this post!
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