yuck

i'm sitting on the couch

the hubs is laying next to me

sleeping

he's passing gas

the cat is sitting on him

grooming herself

you

know

where

making this awful

smacking sound

i'm cringing

seriously...

earlier

when the boys were up

i asked,

"who's passing gas?"

henry was quick

to respond,

"harrison"

ugh....

must

have a

girl's night out

when the boys

want to

eat

cheese curds

for

dinner

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

On my short journey as a mother, I learned somewhere that when kids say something offensive in public that you should acknowledge the honestly in what they are saying. Kids are honest. They say what they see and feel, regardless if it is offensive, hurtful or if it will mortify their mothers in public. For example (this is the teacher in me), if your child says, "That woman is fat." you should acknowledge that she is obese (that's the honesty part) and politely apologize for hurt feelings. After this piece of advice, I felt armed and ready for anything that should come out of Henry Joseph's mouth.

While out and about yesterday, I needed to stop around lunchtime and feed my hungry son. As we were waiting for our food this woman wearing a fur coat was filling her soda at the counter. Henry sees this woman and loudly declares with conviction, "MOM, that woman [I'm thinking that maybe he's going to comment on her coat.] has a huge belly." [Oh, dear God. He just didn't say that out loud did he?!] If one thing could have gone right in this situation, the woman's back was to us and it appeared that she didn't hear him. After all, we were in a food court filled with commotion and noise. As we walked away from the situation, I calmlly acknowledged that the woman was large, but we don't say things like that out loud. It's fine if you want to have those thoughts in your head or share them quietly with Mom and Dad. As I was trying to wrap up this conversation, Henry, ashamed that he did wrong, quietly says to me, "I don't wanna talk about it anymore." At this point, I knew my message was clear.

I feel that I couldn't have handled the situation better, although it was a parenting moment that I wish never had to happen. I want Henry to be honest with his thoughts and feelings, and I think we do a good job as parents encouraging him to express himself. But it's also my job to make sure he is also respectful, even if those teachable moments mortify me. (Sigh.)

(At this moment, I'd like to apologize to my own mother for pointing out to woman she worked with years ago that she didn't have any eyebrows (a little tweezer happy, I believe). I know I embarrassed my mom even more because she knew this woman. Sorry, Mom)

untitled

How can laziness be such a stong force? When I get up in the morning and see dust that wasn't in places it was the day before or fingerprints smudged over glass, I cringe and wonder what I've been doing to not have a clean house. It's not that I have been lazy, because believe me, I feel busier than ever. Managing a household, two small boys and trying to become a better mother, wife and friend has never been more challenging and self-fulfilling. Yeah, I am sure some of you are thinking, "Try doing the job working full time." Been there--it's tough, yet managable. No matter how you slice it, we all go to bed exhausted at the end of the day.

Regardless, when I stand on my pasture of grass and have to choose the side that appears greener, I know I am standing on the side that I am suppose to stand on. When I look out my window, I might see inches and inches of bright white snow, but I feel like my life is filled with bright green grass. I don't think I have ever been happier with my marriage, purpose as a mother or who I am as an individual.

Scott and I attended a marriage retreat this weekend. As we walked into our tv and radioless room, we looked at each other as if we were crippled. We sat there speechless for several moments staring at each other thinking that we were not going to make it. The next morning when we opened our curtains, our view was spectacular. Beyond the line of crystalized branches of snow and iced covered trees was a beautiful view of an iced covered lake. The sun was shining and the village of fisherman below was a sight to be seen. What Scott and I realized by late Saturday was that the lack of technology and breathtaking scenery was purposeful. Nearly 24 hours into our retreat, we had come down from the high of everyday life and felt ourselves relaxed and more focused on each other than we have in a long time. It was fun to feel relaxed and irresponsible for little people as we worked on making a good marriage better. We returned home with renewed energy for each other. Now as we are back into our real world, we work on sustaining the renewed energy.

After making the decision to be an at home mom, one thing I worried about was becoming lonely and missing people. As I have discovered, it's a whole new world. There are many moms who have chosen the same path as me. I've encountered new friendships as well as rekindled friendships with women I have known for years. What I gain most from these relationships, is the strength to continue to do my job as a mother well. I have surrounded myself with some amazing women--some who are so different and some who are so like me. WIth these women, I am able to share triumphs and express challenges without being criticized. I value their friendships and their encouragment to be the best mother, wife and friend that I can be. I have so many people whom I consider blessings because how each of them has touched my life at different periods of my life. The world of at home motherhood has enlightened me and the worry of lonliness is a fleeing thought.

As I gained momentum into at home motherhood, I struggled with finding "me time". I've previously expressed that I really didn't find shopping to fill the void. Purchasing diapers and milk wasn't exactly thrilling or revitalizing. Instead, I choose to workout and do something directly for myself. Finding time to work out while working was one of the biggest challenges I faced. It makes me feel better, manage daily life better and make better eating choices...and gives me permission to endulge without guilt.

Laziness, I think not. I'm too busy discovering a whole new world! A world that I constantly tell Scott that I love and am enjoying. I am able to watch these two boys grow each day, while exploring and learning with them. We find things to do with purpose--some days it more directly purposeful for them. But other days it may be indirectly purposeful for them--a little mom time. When mom's happy, everyone is happy couldn't be truer.

. . .And who cares if there's a little dust or a tiny handprint somewhere. One day I'll long for these days again. And I'll never get a second chance.

Name That Baby

I'm always thinking how much Henry and Harrison look alike. So this morning I decided to look and compare pictures. The more I look at the pictures, the more I don't think they look alike. So here, take a try and see what you think.

1

2345678910111213

No fair if you recognized clothes. Here are the answers.

1. Harrison, 2. Henry, 3. Henry, 4.Harrison, 5. Henry, 6. Harrison, 7.Harrison, 8. Henry, 9.Henry, 10. Harrison, 11.Henry, 12. Henry, 13. Henry (Yes, I know, the blanket has his name. It was a good pic. We still use it for Harrison.)

I think Henry can look more like Harrison, but found it hard to find pictures of Harrison looking like Henry.

Surrounded by Beauty

I am not sure where the last month has gone but hello again and happy new year! It's 2010 and the tune of "We're Gonna Party Like It's 1999", the hype of Y2K and Garrison Court parties feel like just yesterday. We got out our 1999 party pictures on new years eve and had some good laughs with a few of the couples that were at that party in 1999. Most of the laughs were at stupid drunk things, people that have come and gone, and the way we used to look. Funny how things change in 10 years.

Even in two years.

This weekend marks the 2nd birth date of my dear,sweet, precious Hudson. It brings me such joy to

be at this point, but it pains me to think of my loss. Many people told me the first year would be the hardest, and it was. The pain was raw. The anniversary of his first birthday felt victorious. We had made it, everything from this point would be easier. For the most part, it has been easier to deal with our difficult loss. Hanging his stocking for Christmas, the hardest part of my Christmas last year, was easier this year--but not easy. It really sucks to see it empty on Christmas morning. But It was wonderful to have a visual reminder that we are a family of 5, not 4.

That's another thing that sucks. I always feel guilty when I answer the question, "How many children do you have?" I most always say 2 because my story isn't something I share openly. (I'm laughing because I have a blog. How much more open can one get?) But maybe what I really mean is that I don't dwell on it. I don't pity myself because of the tragedy I have encountered. People deal with hardships every day. They make us stronger, wiser, and a bit callous.

Last week I sat through a conversation with a few women who were talking about postpartum incontinence. Although it's a terrible problem, I just couldn't fnd enough energy to actually feel sorry for them. About a month and a half ago, a pregnant fitness instructor at the Y started to share her pregnancy stories with me as if I was interested. I nodded my head and smiled as if to say I care, but I didn't really. I just kept thinking, I hope you realize how lucky you are and I hope your baby is healthy. These women had no idea of my story, nor did I intend to share it. It's all part of my journey, learning to cope with everyone else's reality.

What I do try to focus on is the beauty in each day. I have bad days like everyone else. I get crabby, irritable and somedays hard to be around. But I have a home, filled with wonderful things, including people who love me unconditionally. I have so much to appreciate.

Today, the boys and I don't have much of anything going on. After doing our morning routine, we bundled up and went on a walk. Now, I was shocked to learn that it was only 8 degrees, but 8 degrees in Minnesota is beautiful.

I love when the trees are frost-covered.

This pic isn't from this morning, but over Christmas Henry and Scott had a chance to have a little fun in the Christmas storm that rolled through the midwest.

Hen Man bowled for the first time in December. Bumpers and clown shoes have never been so fun!

Austin gave us a little tip to get gifts open a bit faster: When your hands are not enough, use your teeth. He also showed us that it's okay to not like every gift you receive.

Da babe. What's not to love about this smile? 24/7 he's grinning and giggling. Even strangers can't help but stop and smile back.

Finally, brotherly love. I love, love, love the interaction taking place between these two boys. It makes my heart melt.

Life Lessons

Hi, it's me, Henry. Here are a few little diddys I've learned in the last three days.

1) Don't shout inappropriate things in public (or private) places. Parents can find time out any where and any time. They also have the power to take away prize possessions for long or short periods of time.

2) Telling your mom that she is the best, followed by an I love you in the Target toy section will not get you the toy you eyed up.

3) Cutting your own Christmas tree is way better than purchasing one in a tree lot. Especially if you actually get to go into Santa's house afterward to pay Mrs. Clause and drink her apple cider.

4) Mom and Santa are close personal friends. She will throw you under the bus if you misbehave.

5) If you eat 1/2 dozen cookies, you will throw up.

6) If you eat a gingerbread man while falling asleep at the table, you will choke.

7) You cannot run around church. That gives you a direct ticket to the nursery.

8) Peeing backward on the little potty chair does not work.

9) Eating too many Hershey Kisses will make you chubby.

10) Don't use a tissue to wipe boogers off your face. That's what sleeves are for. And when you don't feel like using your sleeve, wipe the boogers on your carseat.

11) When you tell mom to get out the vacuum to clean up the mess that you made under your chair at the counter, she will give you necessary supplies to clean it up yourself.

12) Dad says when you make Mom mad, bring her home flowers and tell her you love her.

This is me when avoiding eye contact with Santa as Mom tells him a few things that she said he probably already knew.

Mom made me pose with Santa after she "filled him in."

This is my baby brother. I heard he's on the nice list. I'm on the maybe list, whatever that means.

My Mr. Funnypants

Scene: Henry eating lunch at the kitchen counter, while Dad does dishes (I like that.) Mom enters kitchen wearing sweatpants (What else? Come on, give me a break. It's Sunday!) and vigoriously applying chapstick to her very, very dry lips.

Dad: Henry, what would you like to get Mom for Christmas?

Henry: Umm. . .ahhh. . .some pretty make-up.

Dad: Anything else?

Henry: A giant pair of underwear!

Giving thanks never felt so good. Happy Thanksgiving little Harrison.

Yea! Snow in Northern Minnesota for Thanksgiving! Henry gave the sled a test drive in preparation for Christmas.

Henry and Uncle Matt worked together to make a complex track route. . .

. . .until helping Nana in the kitchen looked like more fun. . .


. . .and Uncle Matt had to recruit more assistance to finish the job.


Did you know that a reading light also dubbs as a flashlight to get the mail in the dark?